It’s amazing how much time you can put into something when you want to.
For the most part I’m lazy and under-motivated. Which is a little surprising when I look at my life from the outside. It isn’t like I don’t do anything. I have a full-time job, run a side-business with a friend and I’m going to be an adjunct professor this Spring.
Sometimes I really don’t understand how I am where I am. I don’t mean that in a bragging manner. It’s just disbelief that I am somewhat successful, yet I know full well that I could probably sit on a couch for a week with a stack of DVDs and not get bored.
I seem to run on a personality-cocktail of good fortune, some wit, general friendliness, (apparently) ahead of the curve intelligence, being in the right place at the right time and not turning down any opportunity. I think it’s that last trait that has helped me the most. When it comes to my professional career I’ve never turned anything down. Luckily I had things to “not turn down,” of course, but I didn’t.
This blog, for example, was a case of creating opportunity for myself. I was extremely lucky to be working with Chandra at the time and got along well enough with my developer Pete to become a friend and business partner. So I set out to create this.
I spent so much time refining the design. Far too many nights pouring over Photoshop until I got the exact look and feel I wanted. The endless iterations and self-doubt. And then there’s the requirement gathering, working with the developer who thinks you’re crazy, convincing Chandra to write with me; essentially the nasty bits we designers often forget. It’s just a ridiculous amount of work.
But hey, here it is — we did it.
Then came the writing. The lack of hits. The tweaking. The maintaining standards. The random stints of lost interest. So you stop. But it pisses you off that you stopped. Remember how much time you put into it?
I know what it takes to stay motivated to do something. Luckily, in the most important times I am able to. I wonder how you take hardcore determination and turn it into sustainable, mild determination.
I think that’s exactly what I’m looking for: a mild determination.